What Not to Say to Your Single Christian Friend


Back in the days before I met my husband, and was wondering if any one would ever want to marry  me, I remember being told: “God will give you the desires of your heart,” and “if God gave you the desire he will fulfil it.”

After I heard that, I spent ages trying to work out if the desire for a husband was one that was from God, or not. After all, if it was actually from God then I would get it. Wouldn’t I? I guess in my mind it was almost like having a crystal ball, work out if the desire is from God or not, and you have figured out your future.

I guess the people who were saying these things were trying to be helpful. But they really weren’t that helpful to me.

Now I know that God can and will fulfil our deepest desires, (it says so in the bible, after all) but was the desire for a husband really my deepest desire, or the desire or was it the desire to be loved?

Many Christian counsellors agree that God does put in our hearts the desire to be loved, and the desire to be significant. The thing is, ultimately the only one who can fulfil those desires is him. He does give us thiste desires of our hearts, but just not always in the way we want him to.

Another well intentioned thing I was told, whilst I was single, was to seek God and then a husband would come along. What a load of poo! If this was true then how come there are holy people who never get married and awful people who manage to find a husband.

I don’t think the people who say these things realise the damage they are doing with these words. It made me question my own spirituality, as if the reason I hadn’t met someone yet was because I wasn’t holy enough yet, making me doubly insecure. I don’t think the popular quote “a woman’s heart should be so lost in God that a man has to seek God to find her.” Please be really careful about saying this one, because I know it’s one of those things that sounds really spiritual, after all, we all need to get closer to God. But please never make anyone feel like the reason they are single is because they aren’t holy enough.

Finally, this is one I had never personally heard (thankfully) but that seems to have become popular recently, I have seen it floating around the internet. And that is……….. Just Wait For Your Boaz. This is eisegesis (reading into the text something that was never there, (yes, I went to bible college and know long words!)) in the worst possible form! It makes absolutely no sense in the context of the story, to the point where I pull out my hair just wondering where this phrase could have possibly come from!

It’s taken from the book of Ruth. She is a widow, who moves with her mother in law, Naomi (also widowed) to her home country, a land Ruth has never been to before. These two women are destitute to the point where the only way they can feed themselves is by picking up grains that have been dropped by the farm workers. (Something which is outlined in books of the law.) Fortunately Naomi has a single, rich, relative named Boaz.

Now, after hearing that you might think that Boaz swept in and swept Ruth of her feet.

He didn’t. He was kind to her, but in no way did he sweep her off her feet.

Naomi had to tell her to get tarted up, put on some perfume, and then literally climb into his bed and lay at his feet, before he made the offer of marriage.

I can’t see how climbing into someones bed to seduce them could ever be described as waiting for them! How can anyone claim the phrase wait for your Boaz, like it’s a beautiful thing, when Ruth never waited for her Boaz!

She was married previous, to man we’ve no reason to believe she didn’t love, and then lived in tough conditions with her mother in law and then finally had to climb into bed with a man in order to seduce him!

This phrase is so nonsensical, but the strange thing is women even bizzarly believe it, and then take is so out of context that they seem to think it means they should just sit around waiting for a husband! Ruth didn’t sit around waiting. She was proactive.*

The truth of the matter is that not every will get married. I know that’s a really sad thing to say and hear, and one that I had to wrestle with when I was single. But unfortunately, it’s the truth.

God never promised us a spouse. But he did demonstrate his love for us in dying for us. And that is the greatest love you can ever know.

I know when everyone around you is getting married, it can seem so like a lame consolation prize. But it’s not, its the best love you can ever experience, its a love that will never let you down and a love that will last forever. Please, try and grasp hold of this whether you are single or not, and please never make someone who is single feel as if they are somehow worth less, whether intentionally or not. That just is not true.

Feel free to share your thoughts on this, or any weird things you have been told.

*Please don’t think I’m telling you to do what Ruth did, it prabably wont end well!

It’s Okay to Let Go


Whenever I move house I’m amazed by all the stuff that I have collected, rubbish, that I never even needed in the first place. Bin-bags and bin-bags full of the stuff.

But I get the impression that this isn’t though only rubbish we carry through life. We carry unseen baggage as well. The secrets sins we have burred and hidden, the unkind words we have believed, the fears and worries and doubts. Without ever realising it we are dragging our own bin-bags full of baggage through life.

Maybe you are reading this, carrying unnecessary burdens. Burdens that you were never meant to carry.

Maybe you have been carrying them for so long it doesn’t even feel like they are there any more. It feels like they have become part of you.

Maybe it has become so familiar that it is like a strange kind of security blanked.  You don’t know how to live without it.

Maybe you believed the lie that because Christian life is hard, it should be miserable, you don’t realise that you can let these things go. That it’s okay to let them go.

You do not need to carry the burden of unforgiveness or guilt.

You do not need to carry the burden of regret or fear

You do not need to carry the burden of other people’s expectations.

You can let these things go. You do not need to hold onto them. They are not part of you, even if it feels like they are.

Like an infection, polluting the body, when you get rid of these things, you can be whole a healthy and complete.

Like a heavy weight pressing on you, making you bend over, these burdens can shape and damage you. When you let go of them, you can stand up straight and walk tall again.

You do not need them. You can be free. You are allowed to be free. You are allowed to be happy. You are allowed to be complete. You can let go.

Cast [a]your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you;
He will never allow the righteous to [b]be shaken Psalm 55:22 NASB




6 Reasons to Share Your Story (even if it seems boring!)


I love hearing testimonies in church. Stories of how God has completely changed a person’s life around.

These stories are such an encouragement, and they really do strengthen my faith. But sometimes it seems churches only want to share the most dramatic stories.Stories of the people who once were drug dealers or suicidal criminals who God dragged from the pits of hell, and wrapped into his arms.From darkness to light; from broken to complete.

While these stories are great sometimes it can make people like me, and I imagine many people reading this, feel as though our stories are not worth sharing.

This is not truth, it’s a lie many have come to believe, and even an excuse many have used.

But we do not need to believe this lie, our stories are worth sharing for so many reasons.

Sharing your testimony acknowledges God as Lord over your life. I would not be where I am today without Jesus. I don’t know where I would be, but I know my weaknesses, the sins I am most often drawn too, so I can sort of begin to imagine. If I do not share my testimony it would be like me saying I could have got to this point on my own. Continue reading

How to Stay Positive, Even When You Don’t Feel Like it



What do you find it easier to do: Count your blessings; or count your failures? Count the things that you have done, or count the things you haven’t?

I know which one is easier for me.

I guess I’m good at complaining. My husband tells me, in his American accent, that it’s a British thing.

Maybe it is, I’m not sure though.

All I know, is that I find it easy to complain. Whether it’s about the weather, work, or where I’m living: I find it much easier to notice what has gone wrong than what has gone right. Continue reading

The Times You Feel Unlovable


I don’t know if you know the story of Rachel and Leah found in the Old Testament of the bible. Basically, it’s the story of two sisters Rachel, the beautiful sister, (she was definitely a shiny girl) and Leah, the not so beautiful older sister. I don’t know much about the rivalry between sisters, only having the one brother (thankfully!) but reading this story I’m sure anyone can begin to imagine it.

You see, both the girls find themselves married to the same man: Jacob. Continue reading

Great Reads for Autumn 2016


I’ve recently had to move house and leave my job due to unforeseen circumstances. Thankfully I now have another job in the pipeline, once all the paper work has gone through.

It’s been a tough couple of months, but it has meant that in the last few weeks I have had time to catch up on doing some of the things I love, like reading and crochet!

These are books I have read and enjoyed during this transient time, that I think others will enjoy as well. I am thankful to the publishers and Netgalley for allowing me to read the following in exchange for an honest review. Continue reading

I Wish I Knew What She Knew


woman-1031508_1280There is one story in the bible that I have always struggled with, a story that has made me aware of my faults, and made me want a deeper understanding of God. That is the story of Hannah.

Hannah had a hard life, she was married to a man named Elkinah, but Elkinah had another wife as well, Peninnah.

That for one is something I couldn’t even begin to imagine, there is no way that I would want to share my husband with another woman. And then imagine what it would be like having to live with her, having to see her every single day! Continue reading